Living with a Crack Dealer

Imagine for a moment that you are a recovering crack addict (work with me):

You arrive home to find your loving, supportive spouse making crack rock right on the kitchen counter! You want to resist but you just can’t. “Just a little,” you tell yourself. “I can stop whenever I want.” But, you see, you can’t. You tell yourself that you’ll just smoke it all tonight then start fresh tomorrow when it’s no longer there to call to you. That’s the problem when living with a dealer, there is always more crack to smoke. Always!

andreaskitchen 2In this case the dealer is my lovely wife Andrea, and the crack is her world class baking. Seriously, Andrea could bake a turd and make it taste like heaven. As someone with a sweet tooth, this makes being “good” nutritionally just a wee bit difficult. Sure there are times when I can go weeks without touching the stuff then BAM, I’m off the wagon. I can smell the aroma from the garage when I get out of my car and it only gets better (or worse) when I open the door. The kitchen counter tops are often full of cooling racks covered with warm cookies or brownies. For the love of God woman, give a brother a break!

Interestingly enough, Andrea doesn’t eat sweets! She simply bakes because it brings her great pleasure and that is one way she shows love. Normally, she won’t even taste them! She’ll wait for the addict to get home and ask his opinion. Teachers, neighbors, friends and family all benefit from her favorite hobby. These same people often ask how I stay under 400 lbs. living with her. Good question!

I gotta run…I smell something cooking and I’d be wise to leave until the smoke clears.

Rick Mayo


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